A Joke On The Mind
by Gadjo
Summary: Xander decides to just give up and accept his death, too bad it seems his plan isn't working out.
1. Chapter 1

**A JOKE ON THE MIND**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own them. I do not have any claim to them. They belong to the kind Joss Whedon who graciously let us lowly fan fic writer borrow them. Thank You !!!

**Spoilers:** Spike did come back to Sunnydale, but he did NOT run into the Initiative. Instead, he secretly set himself up as the local Master and has been keeping an eye on the Scoobies.

**Summary: **Xander decides to just give up and accept his death, too bad it seems his plan isn't working out.

**Ch. 1- What's in a Name?**

It was almost scary how easily I surrendered to death. I've been shocked every day to actually wake-up alive. Especially ever since my dad discovered that beating on a seven year old kid was easier than that hitting a wife that could fight back. I've always believed that I should have died that day; that that forehead-meet-table edge should have been my last meeting. I wish dearly that it had been. Then, maybe, I wouldn't have had to hear what I heard.

I know I am a joke; I was a dead-man-walking before I ever knew whom the term REALLY referred to. I am as normal a teenager as the next guy. My only real friends are two girls- YEA! - and neither of them could, or would, ever go on a date with me. I know Willow has, and has had, a crush on me, but it isn't with the 'real' me. I know. I sound like a talk show guest, but that's still what I want. I want the person I date to know me. The Buffster- As if she'd ever lower herself to date someone like me! – see's me as this dumb and bumbly kid-brother type. Willow remembers me as the hero who defended her when she was little; for all that she's my best friend, she somehow missed it when I gave up on believing in hero's and happily ever afters. Now, I know that heroes are just people who survive and happily ever after only last until the book closes.

They grew up but, somehow, they forgot that I did too. I grew up and, because I cared about them, I hid. I never told them that I watched Buffy because I wanted to study how she moved, NOT because I had a crush on her like they all thought. I never told them that I started taking karate lessons from one of my neighbors. Or that said neighbor wasn't entirely human. Or that he gave me a talisman that lets me sense vampires even better than Buffy's spidey sense. It's true though.

I never told them any of this, of course. And, it isn't as if I was planning to do some save-the-day become a hero thing. I just accepted the truth. Even if they saw me save the day and an actual God showed up to declare me his long lost heir, they would still never believe it wasn't a joke.

But at least I'm a joke with a biting end.

"This is a bit annoying, mate. Where's the whelp that insulted my sire? "

"He's on vacation right now. If you'd like to let me go, I'll have him give you a call as soon as he gets back. Shouldn't be more than fifty, maybe sixty, years."

"There you go. Almost thought I had the wrong guy."

"Um…Not that I'm not having fun watch my life flash before my eyes and all, but could you get on with the killing me part? I'd rather not be all fear-sweaty when they find me and the whole waiting part isn't exactly helping."

"Sorry, mate."

Okay, I'm standing up on my own. There isn't an arm around my throat. My own arms can move, they're a little stiff from trying to bend up and meet the back of my head, but they can move. Wow, my back isn't cold anymore. One icy corpse-guy away from my back- and at my side- and… I'm falling. Cold hands catching me. And I'm leaning against my soon to be killer… who's carefully helping me sit down.

Maybe he did kill me. This is that thing people say happens when you die and your brain's sill alive for a few seconds ever after the rest of your body is landfill filler. Maybe that's what this is. I'm actually dead and my brain's still aware so it made up this nice fantasy where Spike lets me go and I have few seconds of fake happiness before I shut down and get up-close and personal with my own little hell.

"Don't think you're quite hell's type, mate."

Since when do vamps read minds? Unless this is all part of my dying hallucination and it's all happening in my own head.

"You feelin' all right? I didn't hold you that tight. And, you're talking out loud so I don't exactly need to read your mind, now do I?"

"Oh."

"Mate? BLOODY HELL, I know I didn't do that!"

"Quietly! …Do what?"

"Put that bloody big bump on the back of your head, that's what!"

"Oh. Got it earlier. Why aren't I dead?"

"That's it. You're coming with me."

When did I stand up? I'm walking; I am calmly walking down the street with a dead guy holding onto my arm like it's a security blanket. Wonder if vampires have blankets when they sleep? Why is he holding my arm, anyway?

"Because, if I don't, I'll bloody well have to pick you up and carry you."

"Okay." Wonder how much he can carry? "Where are we going? I kinda liked the idea of dying in a cemetery. It saves on all the moving the body around. They could just dig a big hole beside me and then rollllll me into it. PLOP- push the dirt back in and they'd be all done. Easy."

"Mate, we are going to have a serious talk about your little obsession with dying. First, though, what's your name?"

"Alexander LeValle Harris, but everyone calls me Xander 'cause my dad says it's easier to yell and I get yelled at a lot so everyone just calls me that. What's yours?"

"My what?"

I wonder where we are? I don't recognize anything. "Your name."

"We're on the other side of town. And you know my name, you heard Peaches use it."

"No, not THAT name. I told you my real name." Nobody ever uses it unless it's someone telling me what a failure I am and how much potential I'm destroying. I wish others used it. Jesse used to use it when were just hanging out; the two of us against the world. I was Alex; he was Jes. After I killed him I forgot how to be Alex. Being me hurt when no one else was there to even care about the differences or laugh at how good I was at hiding.

"What's your REAL name? I know you used to be William something. What?" Did you ever have a nickname? Maybe Wil or Willy- No, he couldn't be a Willy. Lee: like wil-LEE-am? Lee or Wil, definitely a one 'l' Wil. Wonder what his parents used to call him? They're dead now, guess I can't exactly call 'em up and ask them. Did he kill them? Deadboy killed his family but I bet I would've hated him even when he was alive. Probably would've hated Lee too. But I'd have hated-hated Angelus; I'd have only jealous-hated Lee.

"Why?"

"huh?"

"Why would you have 'hated-hated' Peaches and 'jealous-hated' me?"

"Um" Can't answer that. I'm okay with dying now, but I don't want to be tortured. What does it feel like to be stabbed with a spike? Do you bleed to death or is something vital punctured and you just stop? Do you feel your own heart stop? When my dad tried to smother me, I felt my heart slow down before the phone rang and he forgot about me to go meet some drinking buddies. Wish he'd ignored the phone.

"We are DEFINITELY going to talk about that?"

"That?"

"Your wanting to die."

"Bet you had a gorgeous, popular girlfriend."

"Pardon?"

"When you were Lee. You were popular and had a gorgeous girlfriend that adored you. No one ever laughed at you. Or made you run stupid errands just 'cause they could. Or said you were just like 'one of the girls'. Or laughed about how you were probably a terrible kisser. Or had your father figure make jokes about how dumb you are and how much tutoring you needed just to FAIL all your classes." Yep, I'd have jealous-hated you.

Uh-Oh, more baddies. Am I supposed to be dinner? Was it Spike's turn to bring take-out? Deadboy wanted to share me with Spike; maybe Spike wants to share me too. Finally, people want me.

"Mate?"

"Yea?"

"Stop talking. Stop thinking. Just stand here and DON'T DO ANYTHING."

"Okay" Maybe I'm for later.

Oh, RIGHT! Don't think…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- Penny For Your Thoughts?**

Don't think. DON'T think. Don't THINK.

Okay, that's a lot harder than it looks. Even thinking 'don't think' means I have to think. Maybe I'll just think quietly. Shhh! Quiet thoughts.

Spike's talking. Wonder what he's saying? Probably something evil and killing-y. Wonder if it's about me? Or Buffy; it could be about Buffy. Everything is about her sooner or later. Are they talking about how to kill her? Hope it's painful.

SPIKES!

He could use the railroad spikes like he did when he got his new name. Wonder what people used to call him. 'William the Bloody' is a little long to say every time they talked to him. Just William? Lee was just what his friends called him and I don't think Angelous- dumb evil Deadboy!- would've let him have a lot of minions as friends. Would he WANT to have minions as friends? Are they all as stupid as the one's we kill? Or do we kill them because they are so stupid?

Maybe they called him just 'Bloody'. But that would've gotten confusing since he always calls things 'bloody' this or that or whatever and minions- the ones we kill- are pretty stupid and they would've thought he was talking about himself and then they would've been really annoying and Spike would've killed them. Wish I could kill people that annoyed me. But if other people killed people that annoyed them I'd be dead and don't want to be dead but Spike's going to kill me now anyway so it doesn't matter.

At least he won't make me a vampire. He wouldn't want me to be a vampire. People always hate me to be around them for very long and if he turned me I'd be around forever. Then he'd get really annoyed and have to kill me and he'll wish he'd never turned me and it's good he won't turn me 'cause I don't want to be dust. I want to have a real grave. It doesn't matter that no one will come to visit it and I won't have any flowers or anything. I'll have a little piece of ground that means people will remember my name even if it just 'cause they go past me to find the person they actually care about.

I even own my own plot. No body knows about it. It's next to Jesse's. I bought it and now- when they find my body- they'll know where to put me. Hope they don't ignore it. I left a letter with Giles that they aren't supposed to open unless they find my dead body someday. G-man swore on his books that he'd only open it when he physically found my dead body lying on the ground somewhere. I know they'll find my body dumped on the ground somewhere. Buffy and G-man'll die and be found spread out as some kind of message or something. And Will's will be found surrounded by candles and incense and some dead demon gore all around. Me: I'll be dumped on the ground somewhere and no one'll know or care who did it 'cause it'll just be somebody who got hungry and decided to have a midnight Xan-snack.

Wonder what they'd call me if I did get turned. I hate Xander! Deadboy calls me Harris 'cause he doesn't even care enough to learn my first name and everyone else calls me Xander. Spike calls me 'whelp' but I think that's what he calls everyone stupid that. Maybe I'd get a really good name. Alex was great. I liked Alex, but Alex died with Jesse. Now I'll just be Xander the Joke until I die.

And why aren't I dead yet?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- Where Are You From?**

"Come Ear."

Come ear? Do ears move by themselves? Maybe it's a demon; a giant ear that hears everything you say and tells everyone. Maybe gossips are baby ears and

"Whelp"

Whelp me

"Yea?" Does he want something or is he just making sure I'm still here? Wonder if he'd let me leave if I tried? He could

"Whelp"

"Yea?" Didn't we just do this?

"Come here?"

"Oh" Maybe he wants me to meet the Ear. "I'm here."

"Bloody... What the hell happened to you? IF I didn't know better I'd say my poof of a sire's been playin' with your head."

"Deadboy's gone."

"What?"

"Deadboy left. Bye-Bye, Mr. Creepy-Cryptic-Broody-Dead Guy. Why aren't you insane?"

"huh?"

"Deadboy's nuts. The Slayer thinks it's just him being mysterious and Giles just hates him cause he killed his girlfriend and Willow thinks she has to be nice to him cause he's like a lost lonely puppy- Did you ever hear about how the other Angel person was her Puppy?" Wish he were Puppy. I could hurt him and he couldn't do anything 'cause I'd be one of the Master's favorites. Course, I'd have to be dead to do that but I'm gonna die here anyway so it doesn't matter. "Deadboy left and everyone thinks it's cause he loves the Slayer so much that he can't stand to be near her without being 'with' her; but I know that's not the real reason. I know the REAL reason is 'cause he's insane and he doesn't want the other's to figure it out like I did. 'Cause, of course, no one cares if I figure things out because no one listens to what I say even if I'm right. And Drusilla was nuts, too. He drove her nuts, I think. So, why aren't you nuts too? Or, are you nuts and just hiding it better? He didn't really lose his soul, you know."

"WHAT?"

"Yep! If he lost his soul COMPLETELY then he should have forgotten about everything that happened to him when he had it. And, if he DID get it back, he should have forgotten whatever happened when he DIDN'T have it. I don't think the evil-demon-thingy would want to tell him anything; so, how did his soul know it shouldn't go into the sun or drink holy water or eat garlic? Do you like garlic?"

"No. But didn't much care for the stuff when I was a human either."

"Oh" He's leading me somewhere. Wonder where we're going? One door. Two doors. Three doors. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps. Don't count? Oh, I'm talking. Don't talk; think.

"In we go."

"Your bedroom. Why don't you have a coffin? I always loved the old movies where the Massssterrrsss roooooose from their cofffffffinnnns. Are they too small to sleep in?" He should know this sort of stuff. There's probably a school type thing somewhere where they go and learn all the important vampy skills they need to know. And minions get laughed at 'cause they always fail. Just like me. I'm just like the minions. Giles is like the Master. Buffy is his guard. Willow is the brainy assistant one. And I'm the minion they laugh at and keep around for bait.

"Alex"

-Silence-

"Alex, look at me."

His roots are showing.

"Alex, I need you to go sit down on the bed, all right?"

"Sit. Bed. All right." Alex. He called me Alex. I'm not Alex. I killed Alex. I killed Jesse and Alex. I'm not Alex. "I'm not Alex."

"Mate"

He's coming closer. Is he going to kill me now? FINALLY, He's gonna kill me. Here I go. Head tilted, neck stretched out nice and tight. Go on... bite the pretty neck... you know you wanna bite me. Go ahead and do it!

"Mate, I'm not gonna kill you so you can bloody well stop sticking your neck out 'fore you pull something."

"Oh. Sorry. Guess you've got better people than me to bite. Would you break it? A broken neck isn't painful is it? I've had enough pain. I don't want any more. I'm so tired of pain. Why doesn't pain ever end? I just want it to end." I'm tired.

"Enough"

"I know. Enough pain."

"No, Alex. You've had too much pain. Right now, though, you've done enough talking. You just lie down and rest a bit."

"Will you kill me in my sleep?" No pain!

"No"

"When I wake up?"

"No. Just go to sleep now. We'll talk more when you wake up."

"Don't want to wake up."

"Why not?"

Huh? Why does he care? No one really cares. Maybe it's part of some plot to get Buffy. That must be it. He doesn't really care. Kinda nice of him to pretend, though. He's sitting next to my knee - when did I lie down? -and he almost looks like one of those worried dads sitting with their sick kids on the COSBY SHOW reruns. "If I go to sleep I can't keep watch."

"Against what?"

Hmmm, he's patting my knee just like my Grandpa did when I was little. Then he and dad had a fight and I wasn't allowed to see him anymore. Wonder if Spike ever had a Grandpa to do that for him. "Against people that want to hurt me."

"You know you gotta invite us in to hurt you."

"I'm not scared of demons and dead guys." I can just scream like a little girl and the Slayer'll come and laugh at me, kill the bad guy, and then laugh at me some more. "Did you know that humans are more evil than vampires?"

"They are?"

"Yea. You guys only hurt people because you're evil demons and that's what evil demons are supposed to do. Humans do mean stuff, though, just 'cause they want to."

"What kind of mean stuff?"

-YAWN-

This is a realllly comfortable bed. Definitely better than a coffin. Oh, ummm "Humans pretend that they care about you when you're there and then say mean insulting things when you aren't around. They laugh at you even when you are there but you just let them 'cause you think they're your friends and it's good to make your friends happy. Humans are bad." I really really like this pillow. "Spike?"

"Yea, Alex?"

When did he get up and walk toward the door? "Umm, Spike. If I promise to do whatever you say and not bother you or anything; can I stay- err, hide- here... just for a little while?"

"Sleep as long as you like, Alex. I've told the boys to leave you alone. Someone will drop off a bag of food for you in a little while. If you want me for anything, I'm in the room straight across the hall."

"Thank you"

"Welcome, mate. Now get a bit o' rest and we'll talk more when you're a bit more awake."

"Okay." Glad he's not like Deadboy. He's much nicer.

Hope that means it won't hurt too much when he finally kills me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- What Do You Do?**

O-kayyyy.

This is Hell. I am dead and this is the torture I'm going to endure for the rest of eternity.

A head that wants to explode; a body that has already imploded and is now so squashed that every pain receptor is being turned on full power. But WHY does it hurt this bad? My head doesn't usually hurt this bad unless I get a concussion and that pain is different than this. What hap...

OH!

THAT happened.

Sooo...

Spike said something about food for me. I could really use a drink. Something cold and sweet. Something I can hold in my mouth and just savor before slowly letting it trickle down my throat. I wonder what they got for me?

I wonder if there's any- TWINKIES! They got me TWINKIES. And CHOCOLATE MILK! Spike's people bought TWINKIES and CHOCOLATE MILK just for me. And a sandwich- ham and cheese, not bad- and two apples, and a bottle of O.J. and MORE TWINKIES! I DEFINATELY like Spike over Deadboy.

Hmmm. Luke-warm chocolate milk and a Twinkie: the dream breakfast of junk food addicts everywhere.

-KNOCK, KNOCK-

Uh-Oh. "Umm, YES?"

"Alex, you mind I come in?"

"Spike?" Why is he asking? "It's your house. Come on in."

"Thanks"

Okay, WHAT is going on? Spike is being nice- I clearly remember him refusing to kill me even after I begged him to.

"Spike?"

"Alex?" Alex?

"Why...um... why are you calling me Alex? And, why aren't I dead? And, why are you being nice to me? And, HOW do you know I like Twinkies?!"

"How much do you remember about meeting me yesterday?"

"I wanted you to kill me. You said no. You met an Ear Demon; I think. You brought me here and talked to a bunch of minions. They left. You brought me in here and told me to go to sleep. I asked you to kill me. You said no. You said someone would bring me food and that your room is across the hall. Why aren't I dead?"

"You still want to die?"

"Yea." Well... "Can you do me a favor and THEN kill me?"

"What's the favor?"

"Can you torture me?" Yea, then they'll "No. I mean, I don't want you to ACTUALLY torture me-torture me. I just want you to make THEM think than you're torturing me. I want them to KNOW that it's entirely their fault that you caught me- It actually is! - and that everything that happens to me now is completely and totally their fault!"

"It is?"

"YEA. If they hadn't...I would NEVER have had a..."

"Breakdown?"

"Right. I wouldn't have had a breakdown and then I wouldn't have been out alone and none of this would have happened and I'd be home right now rubbing in liniment instead of here eating Twinkies with you. Would you like one?"

"A breakdown?"

Huh? "No, a Twinkie. Do you want one? Do you even eat? Besides people, that is?"

"If I feel like eating something, yea. Are those any good? They look a bit... poofy."

"You've NEVER had a Twinkie?"

"Not exactly in my favorite food group are they?"

"Well, maybe 'in' them."

"Smart, mate."

"Thanks" Did he just pay attention when I made a joke? And he didn't even roll his eyes or stare at me like he feels sorry for me or something. "So, you wanna try one?"

"Give one here."

-SQUISH-

"um...well" Do not laugh. Do NOT laugh. Do not

"Are you laughing at me, whelp?"

"No?"

"Good. Now... How the BLOODY hell do you eat these things without makin' 'em explode on you?"

"Well" Professor Harris, known expert on Twinkie consumption, please prepare your famous lecture 'Twinkies: A Starter Course'. "Most people use on of three; well, technically four; methods." I can't believe I am sitting comfortably at the head of my bed- I slept in it last night and I think I remember him saying I could have it- while he's sitting at the foot waiting for me to teach him how to eat the world's most perfect snack food. "The first way is the 'Whole-In-One' method. You just open your mouth, take a breath, and then cram the entire thing into your mouth. I'm pretty good at that method, but it usually takes a little practice not to choke yourself."

"Sounds disgusting."

"And munching on some strangers dirt throat isn't?"

"Not to me, mate."

"Any-wayyy. The second method is the 'Bite-'n-Seal'. In this one you use your hand to carefully hold the Twinkie. You take a bite (not too big or you can't close your mouth all the way) and then completely seal your lips together BEFORE you pull them away. This makes sure that the cream is 'sealed' and, since you aren't squeezing it, it shouldn't shoot out. The third method is the one you'll like best though."

"Why's that?"

"It's called the 'Suck-n-Scoop'."

"Least it sounds better 'an the last ones. 'Specially like the 'suck' part."

"What you do is take a VERY small bite off of one of the ends; you want to just barely reach the start of the cream filling. Then, you suck out as much of the cream as you can. Then, you use your tongue to scoop as any cream that you couldn't reach. Thennn, you eat the actually cake itself." This demonstrating every method is definitely fun.

"I get the feelin' you've put a bit of thought into this."

"It's what I'm good for." It's ALL I'm good for.

"What's the last one?"

"Huh?"

"The last 'method'. You said there were 'technically' four ways. What the last one?"

"The 'Nibble-n-Lick'. It's the most challenging."

"I love challenges."

"Okay. What you do is take another very small bite off of the end just like in the Suck-n-Scoop. Once you see the cream, you start taking tiny tiny bites all AROUND the cream. The point is to end up eating all of the cake except for the small piece you're holding with a mountain of cream balanced on top of it. Then, you lick the cream like a pudding pop."

"Doesn't look so har- AHGH!"

"You, um, have to be careful or you'll tip over the cream when you start eating both sides." Don't laugh! Grinning is okay just keep your mouth BEHIND the chocolate milk bottle and he won't notice.

"Go ahead and laugh. I can hear you trying to hide it. It's bloody pathetic. I can drain a human and never get a red spot o' blood on me but I can't eat a bit of tart without needin' a bib."

He's mad. He's mad at me. I made him look bad. He's mad. He'll want to pay me back.

Lower your eyes, tuck your chin into your neck, arms around your chest and waist. Don't breath. Wait for the first blow. Don't tense or it'll hurt more. Don't listen or it'll hurt a lot more. Think about Twinkies. And chocolate milk. And staring at the moon knowing nothing will hurt you as long as you stay outside where you can run. Think about the smell of the dew when you wake up in the morning after sleeping on the back steps and

"ALEX! Mate, come on and wake up now. That's it. Open your baby browns and look at me. Good boy! Now, another deep breathe, and again. Feeling better?"

"Yes" Whisper. Whispering is good. IF you whisper you can still hear other people. And, don't move. If you move, he can hurt you. It could be a trick. Make stupid Xander think you aren't mad and then- BAM!- when he moves you teach him not to make his betters look bad.

"Stand up. Come on, up an' at 'em. You can sit right back down again in a minute. Just need to get new DRY sheets for you."

Dry? "Dry?"

"Yea, Alex. Dry. Your milk wasn't too thrilled with you just droppin' it like that. Course, wasn't much left to begin with so isn't much of a mess but you humans are frail enough. You'd probably get some disease and I don't feel like playing doctor with you so WHAT IS WITH YOU?"

"I'm up. You said to get up. I'm up. I can leave. You're tired of me; I can leave. I'll go and you can laugh and forget about me. Or you can tell THEM that I was here and they can kill me. Or you can wait until the next time you see me and you can kill me twice as painfully then 'cause you'll have had time to plan it better. Or you can kill me now?" Did I sound too hopeful? If I sound hopeful he won't do it. I can't hope or he won't.

"You've surrendered!"

"Huh?" He want's me to surrender? To him? Okay. "Yea, I surrender."

"Bloody… Whelp, I want you to listen to me close now."

Why does he look so serious? Giles only looks that serious when he thinks one of us- THEM- is going to die or something because of some prophesy "Am I already dying?"

"What! NO!"

See, knew I shouldn't hope. Hope kills things. Hope is

"Alex"

"Yes?" It's going to be important. Con-cen-trate "I'm listening."

"Right. Now, I don't know what that little goody-goody club of the Slayer's did to you" Don't remember. Just listen. Concentrate on what he says. "But they can't reach you here. You're safe and I promise NO ONE is gonna so much as give you a headache unless I okay it. And I won't be letting anyone do that until you're strong enough to fight back on your own. For now, you just rest. Sleep, eat, I'll get some comics and TV for you later and you can just stay here till you're feelin' better. Okay."

"Okay" Wonder how long before he gets tired of me?


	5. Chapter 5

**Interlude – No Need To Worry.**

"Buffy, are you awake?"

"Willow? It's 9am on a Saturday! Unless the world is going to end before noon, call me back later."

"Buffy, WAKE UP!"

"Okay. I'm awake. What's wrong? Are you"

"It's Xander. He"

"What, acted even more like an idiot than usual?"

"That's not funny. Buffy, he's"

"Annoying, I know. But it's"

"BUFFY! He's missing."

"Missing?"

"Yea. I called his house this morning and his mom said that he never came home."

"He probably just came in late and is still asleep LIKE I SHOULD BE. His mom was probably ASLEEP too and just didn't hear him sneak in."

"No, she said she check his bed because he was supposed to do some chores today. And Giles hasn't seen him since he left school yesterday. Have you seen…"

"Not since history yesterday."

"You don't think?"

"No. He's fine. He probably just decided to stay the night with another friend or something."

"Umm, except us, does he even HAVE any other friends?"

"Fine. Fine. I'll be over in five minutes and we can go look for him."

"I'll be waiting."

"Yea, great. And when we find little-mister-disappearance we are so gonna have a little talk about him ruining my first day off in weeks."

"Right. Just hurry up."

"I'm on my way. Man, it's not like anyone's gonna be out trying to kill him or something. I mean, if something was after him we'd have heard him screaming by now. Hey, want me to stop for breakfast before we look around?"

"Sure."

"Cool. I'll pick you up and we can go get some of those blueberry waffles from the place down by the campus. Waffle's and cute frat boys, YUMMY."

"Buffy, we need to worry about Xander."

"I can do waffles and cute boys while worrying!"

"Just come on. I wanna make sure he's alright."

"Right. Eat, oggle cute guys, find Xander. Got it. Be there in ten minutes."

"I'll be waiting."


End file.
